Ever had a moment when everything seems to get heavy. All the past memories come flooding back like a church bell in the movies. “Your time is up!” it seems to say though in real life you feel an invisible force holding you back. Your mind wonders, “How can you ever go back to a normal life after you did that?”. For some it may be the serenity of nature that triggers these feelings or a certain person. For me it’s usually the silence of the night that gets my mind rolling. Being a final year student, I somehow already feel old (though I don’t behave that way) but as I look back through all the years I have spent here, I get this bittersweet feeling. Though most of my memorable experience have been on the positive side, some are on the other. It’s like the ending of Inside Out, one needs both sadness and happiness to maintain a balance. Each year had something to teach, experience and cherish.
First year, I fondly remember was spent mostly on getting used to the amazing hostel life (attending classes in the meantime). The shy introverted kid I was, it was a scary yet enthralling experience. I somehow developed the notion that being extroverted was a necessary quality I needed to possess to succeed socially. I might have dismissed this with my rational mind but subconsciously it was still there. The freshman year I recall ended too fast, I don’t know why, probably because I don’t remember much. Second year was exciting to say the least, getting to meet people who will stay with me for three years or trying to keep my CS hours limited. It is this time when I think that college students here really start to open up and explore all those teams and societies (and stop studying). The question “What to do after B.Tech?” still doesn’t bother much. I did mess up here and there, but still that trophy I won for squash made it all worth it.
By the time third year started, I had already started sensing a change around me. It’s like a change which is difficult to describe because you are transforming yourself as well as observing others. People start behaving differently and it is actually very difficult to maintain your sanity when you feel everything is against you. I don’t about others but sometimes it feels to me we take ourselves too seriously. I guess it is the transition from the black and white world our parents taught us to the greyish world which exists. Not everybody welcomes change and people tend to react very differently. If you look hard enough, there is some sort of beauty in it, you know, witnessing people change. For a phoenix to be reborn, it has to burn first and this is exactly what happens. All those preconceived notions, ideas, biases all the burnt down. It is like a conflict which happens only on the inside. I believe third year is the reason why “Fourth Years” and “First Years” appear to behave so differently. Fourth year is still going on, and despite my initial belief that I have witnessed all that this institution has to offer, it still manages to surprise me. This isn’t the time to talk about the final year, which will have to happen later. For all the mistakes I committed there were few moments which made them totally worth it. I guess the past is like a burden to bear for a person, but I find solace in the fact that had things turned out to be differently that what happened I would still be just as grateful as I am. In a way, which ever path you choose it is about not looking back and just pushing through. You’ll end up in a nice place anyway…
Godspeed my fellow travelers!!